Author’s note: Yes, well, hmmm. This was obviously a response to the Brass Eye Paedogeddon episode and an attempt to point out the massive hypocrisy of a number of its critics. It is somewhat unbalanced between humour and anger, however.
Paedophile groups from across Britain joined together today to condemn Chris Morris’ Brass Eye investigation. “It was a disgusting attack on us” claimed Eric Grope of the paedophile rights group ‘Deflower’ “It made us look like a bunch of perverts”
‘Deflower’ issued a strongly worded attack on the Channel 4 programme. “It purported to be an investigative documentary and was little more than a thinly veiled attack on the rights of a minority group. We were particularly concerned with one of the images that showed an infant injecting itself using a hypodermic syringe. We abhor the use of recreational drugs and only ever use mild sedatives to calm our victims – I mean willing participants. For many years, we have been seeking to inform and convert the public to our beliefs through the use of the popular media such as pop videos and the tabloid press. We believe that this has set back our public education campaign by years.”
The News of the World came out strongly against the show “This programme is one of the vilest examples of victimisation of a minority group that we have ever seen. Our own lovely 16 year old Carmen Bambooza has formed a one-woman protest group to demand an apology from Channel 4. See her stripped and ready for action on pages 3 to 12. Show your own support by phoning in for a one-to-one chat with Carmen and her ‘barely legal’ pals and enjoy a protest group grope.
The Daily Mail also condemned the brutality of the Channel 4 documentary and issued an editorial calling for understanding and tolerance of paedophiles: “In a God fearing society is it too much to ask that we live and let live? Should we not let people be treated with dignity and compassion. The savagery of this programme was terrible – it suggested the torturing and execution of paedophiles. Chris Morris is the lowest form of scum. He is the spawn of the Devil. He should be kicked to death and then burnt in front of his wife and children.”
MP’s also lined up to complain. “Although I don’t own a television and have never heard of Chris Morris I abhor this programme. However, I’m particularly grateful to him for giving me the opportunity to spout off a load of hypocrisy and cant at a slack time of year for us politicians.” explained Nicholas Winterton, Conservative spokesman for decency, sodomy and flogging
The BBC denied opportunism in sponsoring its ‘Lower It!’ campaign to lower the age of consent. The ‘Lower It!’ TV special will feature 8 hours of top comedy stars, pop groups and television personalities promoting sex with a younger audience. “Lets face it” declared Seb T of Boy Band C’rap “Most people in this industry are shagging underage girls so we might as well admit it and make it legal”. The programme will also feature a 24 hour Fuckathon from Spain where the age of consent is 14. In this celebrity challenge a number of well known pop-stars will attempt to have sex with as many 14 year olds as possible. “I can’t wait” oozed an enthusiastic Greg Dyke “Many of my friends have teenage daughters and it’s about time it was acceptable in polite society to be able to goose them and not be thought of as some sort of pervert.”
Chris Morris stubbornly refused to comment from the lamppost from which he has been hanging for the last three days. His children were also unavailable from within the large pyre outside their house to which they were last seen being escorted by local members of the Neighbourhood Watch scheme.
Sex and Drugs and Growing Old 