Author’s note: Another article from the News in Brief section inspired by my profound dislike of Jazz.
Distraught jazz fans were reeling in shock after a study confirmed that every jazz performance since 1963 had been of the same piece of music played at different speeds. The piece, believed to be My Funny Valentine, was originally performed by the Chet Baker ensemble as part of its regular repertoire. As Mr. Baker succumbed to drink and drug abuse it emerged that it was the only piece he could actually remember and that he “couldn’t be bothered” to learn any new pieces. Other performers believed this to represent an innovative approach to modern jazz and mimicked Mr. Baker, filling large parts of their performance with entirely random notes or “any old rubbish” that came into their heads. One of the legendary recordings by Miles Davis, “Blue in Green”, actually includes 15 minutes of Mr. Davis “doing the vacuuming” around his New York apartment. Jazz quartets are now scrabbling to try and develop new pieces of music but are expecting that this could take several years, as they have all been too stoned to notice any other songs. Performers have also been dismayed to learn from the study that none of their audience actually listens to any of their music and only attend live performances because of the late bar opening.
Sex and Drugs and Growing Old 