Author’s note: Once again, it is amusing to see how history repeats itself, and how quickly. We currently have Dominic Cummings, who is believed to be wholly different from previous political advisors…oh….ah
The entire Civil Service handed itself over to the authorities and demanded political asylum during a flexitime break today. As the whole population of Whitehall crammed into a small Portakabin in Dover, Sir Richard Wilson, head of the civil service, declared that the political corruption and bullying in the country had made their situation untenable. “It is time that we are allowed to live in a place of freedom and democracy without fear of repression, influence or having to work later than 5PM”.
Outside observers have been increasingly alarmed at the heightened ethnic tensions and infighting within the legislature. Two principal ethnic group, political advisors and civil servants have been engaged in vicious memo-to-memo combat and the two leaders, Jo Moore and Martin Sixsmith, have issued bellicose statements encouraging their supporters to take no prisoners. Although, allegedly an impartial observer, the Government has clearly been influencing the combat and providing ammunition to whichever side seemed to have the upper hand. It seems increasingly likely that voters will impose sanctions unless the situation is resolved rapidly.
Further issues are arising as the immigration authorities struggle to cope with a massive influx of inappropriately skilled refugees who must be found a place in the community. Attempts to get the civil servants to perform simple unskilled labour have met with disaster. Press secretaries given jobs as window cleaners have simply stood at the top of the ladder and issued statements on the condition of the window at hourly intervals and set performance targets as to how clean the window will be in 5 years time. Political advisors asked to “collect some litter” have redesignated the litter as “potential recycling material” and claimed that it is now “the Ministry of the Environment’s problem”.
The local community is also up in arms at having to support the former civil servants. “They are freeloaders and scroungers who don’t know what an honest days work is and are living off hard earned taxpayers money” claimed local resident Edna Trugg. When asked by the Brains Trust whether the asylum seekers should be returned to their place of origin and resume their original jobs, a surprised Mrs Trugg explained that she wasn’t aware they’d left them and that was what she’d been talking about.
On a positive note, the sudden reduction in administration and bureaucracy has greatly increased the efficiency of all aspects of the country. Three hundred and seventy two new acts of Parliament that had been backed up for over two years in committee stage have been approved in under 24 hours. Opera companies, farmers and lesbian dance collectives have had to try and survive without government subsidies and have immediately gone bust. The country’s GDP has also risen 23% as a result of not having to pay any taxes.
Within London, joyful housing developers started to construct “modern, light and airy 300 storey tenement blocks” in the centre of Hyde Park and mobs of self appointed “Justice Deliverers” held open air trials and executions of “anyone who knows what the word Paedophile means”. As hospitals eagerly adopted new customer-centric healthcare practices and threw out anyone who hadn’t arrived in a Mercedes, some concerns were expressed as to the absence of the legislature. Tony Blair said that he would be looking into these concerns very carefully just as soon as he’d signed the emergency order appointing himself Lifelong President and Leader of the Empire.
Sex and Drugs and Growing Old 