Author’s note: Poor Winona went mad and got caught shoplifting and never really recovered. This was a news in brief article that took the mickey, whilst also highlighting her feud with Gwynnie.
A distraught and tearful Winona Ryder was led away from the 2002 Oscar ceremony by security guards after being caught in possession an Oscar statuette believed to belong to Gwyneth Paltrow. Ms. Paltrow had bought the statuette in “to show her friend Winona just how pretty it was up close, as Noni hadn’t had the opportunity of handling one before”. As Ms. Paltrow disappeared to the ladies room to apply some “no-run” mascara, Ryder was seen to slip the statue under the hem of her “voluminous” dress that she later claimed to be wearing as it was “vintage St. Laurent”. Ms. Ryder then wandered off with her hands in her pockets, whistling ostentatiously. When confronted by security, she claimed she was “simply keeping the poxy thing safe and it was hers anyway as she was the first to have been offered the ‘Shakespeare in Love’ role which that bitch Paltrow had stolen from her”. A subsequent search revealed that Ms. Ryder was also wearing fifteen other dresses ‘with the labels removed’ and had twenty-two other Oscar statuettes, fifteen bottles of champagne and the entire cast of Riverdance secreted under her outfit.
Sex and Drugs and Growing Old 