Author’s note: My late wife Judith was obsessed with fashion and so I learnt something about it too, which I used in this article. As can be seen nowadays with Instagram influencers and the like, never let a good crisis go to waste – they are all fantastic marketing opportunities.
The fashion industry has declared September the 11th an official day of mourning for all its workers and called the atrocities that day “the most despicable act that the fashion world has ever seen”.
Speaking on behalf of the industry Karl Lagerfield, wearing extra large sunglasses to “hide the tears of sorrow that well up in my soul”, explained that the destruction of the Twin Towers had particular poignance for himself and fellow fashionistas. “The memory of all those people fleeing from the stricken buildings,” he said, his voice choked with emotion. “In their terror they could give barely a thought to their dust covered clothes or their hastily applied make-up. And the sight of people plunging from the skyscrapers in such badly cut suits has seared into my memory. I vowed on that day to ensure that the world must understand that the double breasted suit is no longer acceptable for taller men. Terrorism or no terrorism, it is my duty to spread the gospel of properly tailored jackets and stylishly cut trousers.”
Mr. Lagerfield went on to confirm the measures the fashion industry would be take to mark the disaster. “For the winter season black will be the new black, as opposed to the purple or pink widely expected. We shall also be creating a selection of ready to wear “pre-distressed” outfits, complete with a thick layer of dust and small pieces of debris tastefully arranged. Philip Treacey has created a new range of hats including the “shattered pentagon” a five sided boater with one of the sides crushed and the “twin tower topper” – a top hat of exquisite subtlety that is twice as tall as any other hat but which collapses if a plane passes overhead. Stella McCartney has also decided to move on from her “slapper-chic” movement to embrace a range of “heroic” outfits. Dresses based on the uniforms of the fire service, police officers and medical workers will soon be displayed on the mannequins of Paris, London and New York in appropriate recognition of these everyday heroes of America.”
Other members of the fashion industry are also doing their part to commemorate the events. Calvin Klein is launching a new fragrance “Nine One One” which will evoke memories of that fateful day. “The fragrance is designed for today’s independent woman who wishes to assuage her feelings of guilt, but recognises the need to move on and get on with her life,” said Laura La Lillet, spokesperson for the company. “The fragrance evokes scents of sandelwood and gardenia with lower notes of diesel and burning hair. We are sure that the single girl will find a man’s passion and sensitivity fired up on inhaling this intoxicating mixture. It says to him ‘Hey! I care, but I can control my emotions. I’m in charge of my life.”
Other prominent figures in the fashion industry have also been explaining the affect 9-11 has had on them. Kate Moss has confirmed that she didn’t eat for over a week after the tragedy although explaining that “it’s not that unusual really.” She did however “smoke a lot more cigarettes and didn’t attend a single party for a full seven days”.
Mr Lagerfield concluded by saying that he felt this “showed the fashion industry had a soul and was not just a set of self obsessed media junkies who designed clothes that only a blind scarecrow would wear. Just look at this shredded worsted blue suit with light bloodstaining and individually sewn on rubble I’m wearing and tell me it doesn’t make you want to take me more seriously.”
Sex and Drugs and Growing Old 