Author’s note: There is something about politicians throughout the ages – they all appear to be sex-mad narcissists. Male or female, left or right, all ethnicities. They are all at it and then stepping out for a bracing bout of self promotion. Edwina Currie launched a book in which she “reluctantly” revealed her affair with John Major.
The Brains Trust can reveal today that through judicious use of its readers’ money it has managed to obtain an advance copy of Edwina Currie’s searing political revelations as well a copy of Ms. Currie’s diary for the coming weeks. Curiously, many of the entries in the diary appear to have been already completed.
Ms. Currie’s book has already received much advance publicity after an interview in which she revealed that she had conducted a long affair with John Major. Ms. Currie has explained that she felt obliged to tell of the affair as it was in the best interests of “the nation, John Major, Norma Major, my ex-husband and absolutely nothing to do with trying to flog a few extra copies of my book”
However, the Brains Trust, can reveal that the Major affair is but one of many shock revelations to come. Her diary makes clear that Ms. Currie is racked with guilt over each admission and plans to confess all to an expectant public in the coming weeks. Here are some extracts:
October 10th: Blenheim Palace Bookfair. Tearfully confess to public that I am Winston Churchill’s love child. If only his surviving relatives had kept the birth certificates or the photo’s of me sitting happily on Daddy’s knee, there would be no doubt. But they were all destroyed on his death. I know that the nation will forgive him and I will make sure that I appear on national television reading the relevant passages from my book to show them that despite his drinking & abandonment of me, he was a good man and I loved him.
October 12th. Westminister Book Launch. I do not care about my book anymore. I wish I had never written the 400 page bestseller. Or the second volume covering the giddy heights of my career from 1992 onwards. If only I was not a slave to the truth, I would not be forced to reveal my torrid three-in-a-bed romps with Iain Duncan Smith and Michael Meacher. I was only trying to bring our two parties closer together. If only I hadn’t let Charles Kennedy take those photos we could have kept the whole thing hushed up. Still, I feel purged by including the details of the affair in chapters 3 to 7 of the sequel.
October 20th. Publishers International Launch. I suppose the world will condemn me for not speaking out about the affair with Bill Clinton sooner and letting poor Monica take the blame. I am amazed that no one recognised the blue dress.
October 25th. Windsor Conservative Association. My publishers have spoken. They have forced me to write a 600 page prequel and insist that I include lurid details of my affair with the Queen Mother. I was only trying to make an old lady happy. She found it hard to resist my vivacious body and innate wit and compassion. I loved her very deeply and was shocked when her family rejected me by not inviting me to the funeral.
October 29th. Whitehall Private Book Signing. Am forced to confront Tony and force him to choose between Cherie and me. No, hang on a sec. No one’s going to believe that.
Sex and Drugs and Growing Old 