Author’s note: I’v no idea of the context for this, but I’m guessing the National Lottery was in trouble for not giving enough to good causes.
The beleaguered UK National Lottery has announced a new set of games with which it hopes to restore its fortunes. The games were announced by Lottery Chief Executive Dianne Thompson at a press conference this morning. “These new games will exploit a strategy of ‘high-risk, high-reward’. They will allow players to get some of the biggest prizes on offer in the world, but will also offer commensurate losses if they fail to win.” Ms. Thompson then went on to preside over the first scratch-card game “Win a Million” by enthusiastic punter Derek Gadd. “This is brilliant” claimed an excited Mr. Gadd. “I can now walk into a newsagent, hand over a quid and potentially walk out a millionaire.” Mr. Gadd then scratched off the card to reveal three lemons. “Right, well I’m afraid that means you now owe us a million” explained Ms. Thompson to an alarmed looking Mr. Gadd. “Look it’s no good complaining, I think you’ll find the full title of the game is ‘Win a million (*lose a million)’. The risks are clearly set out in the small print on the back of the card by this asterisk underneath the enormous printed banner saying “Get Lucky with a Millionaire Lotto. It all goes to good causes and paying for my bonus, you know.” At this point, Mr. Gadd was led away by several burly ‘credit advisors’ to discuss the Lottery’s attractive new re-mortgaging options.
Sex and Drugs and Growing Old 