Author’s note: Claire Short was in the government and then left in a huff and called for Tony Blair’s overthrow, at the time that he was fantastically popular
Claire Short continued with her media blitz today, condemning the Prime Minister as an “evil aggressor” who would “burn in Hell’s flames stoked by Satan himself and roasted by his fiery demons.”
Ms. Short was speaking at one of the many press conferences she has arranged to promote her stance against “President Blair” and persuade the British public that he should be overthrown “as rapidly as possible.” Although Ms. Short claimed that she and her allies would continue to explore peaceful ways to remove Mr. Blair, she refused to rule out “absolute, total annihilation preferably causing maximum collateral damage to his corrupt cabinet of cronies”
Ms. Short, now adopting what was described by a colleague as a “grave and Prime Ministerial tone”, continued, condemning the “current” Prime Minister for hypocrisy, citing his continual promises to make a principled stand on one issue after another and then immediately withdrawing the pledges in a flurry of excuses. “How can we trust anyone who alleges high moral principles and then fails to immediately resign when those moral peaks are not scaled?” she asked.
It appears that Ms. Short has already assembled a group of “Shorties” around her to explore how they can “unmodernise” the party, exploiting new tactics known as “the Fourth Way” to drag Labour back to its roots. “The people are crying out for a return to the old values of Labour,” she declared passionately, standing before an autocue and a group of disaffected MP’s, former cabinet ministers and disgruntled Union leaders. “The nation yearns for the freedoms of high-taxation, public ownership and all-powerful unions that bought us such success in the past. How long can this evil dictator and his craven henchmen be allowed to deny the people’s will by obtaining a massive majority in Parliament and then persuading MP’s to vote for him?”
Reports are also appearing of attempts to build a “Freedom coalition” of like-minded countries supportive of Ms. Short’s aims and opposition to the UK’s regime. These are believed to include Cuba, Iran and France, although Iran is reportedly queasy at the strength of Ms. Short’s rhetoric and bellicose language and is urging moderation.
Mr. Blair himself has become an increasingly isolated figure, finding himself on the extreme wing of the Labour Party preaching a doctrine that most Labour MP’s dismiss as “old new labour.” A figure close to Mr Blair commented, “Poor old Tony. He just sits there with a few old righties, rabbiting on about pledge cards and free-market reforms. He’ll always be outside the real decision-makers in the party – the unions and the public sector. It’s a wonder he’s got the strength to carry on”
However, Ms. Short showed little sympathy, setting up a large podium outside Number 10 Downing Street and then using an “industrial size” loud-hailer and fluorescent barrage balloon to denounce Mr. Blair’s “shameless publicity seeking.” She also continued to demand his resignation “if he has the backbone for it – the pathetic girly coward.” Mr. Blair was said to be considering a new role as spokesman and translator for President Bush.
Sex and Drugs and Growing Old 