Author’s note: Iraq and the WMD and the continual inspections rumbled on, with Iraq (honestly, as it turned out) demanding they didn’t have any and the US and UK insisting they did.
Saddam Hussein is seeking a publisher for what his agent, Tariq Aziz, describes as “one of the greatest works of fiction ever written”.
“It is a daring, modern piece, pushing forward the boundaries of the written word,” explained Mr Aziz. “It cleverly juxtaposes the eternal conflict between the west and Islam using a metaphysical plot centred on Kalfkaesque ‘inspectors’ who repeatedly ask the same questions to attempt ‘see behind the veil’. Alternate sections are written in English and Arabic showing how language can cause conflict through confusion. And it also features a gratuitous 10 page gang-rape scene to get the key 20 to 30 year old demographic interested.”
The book itself is a twelve thousand page epic sprawling over 20 volumes. It has already been delivered to an international inspection team, where it reported to be garnering rave reviews. However, several critics have complained that a full review of the manuscript will take several weeks, possibly months owing to the complex plot featuring a web of deception and intrigue
The book is set amidst the sultry heat of Arabia in a mythical land of peace filled with ancient palaces, treacherous foreigners and a variety of extraordinary laboratories featuring alchemists making thousands of household items but definitely not any chemical or biological weapons.
The hero – an innocent victim caught up in events beyond his control – is a young, dashing ingenue known as Saddam. Despite his love of peace and determination to help children and animals he finds himself drawn into a web of treachery and revenge as his beloved country is bought to it knees.
The evil mastermind behind this desperate plan is George Dubya and his henchman the mad professor Hans Blix. Together they plan to take over the world by forcing a nuclear war and blame it on the hapless Saddam.
Distributors in the US have already snapped up the international rights to the work and editors are reportedly already furiously working to cut the book down to a more manageable size. The US editor supervising the preparations, Condoleeza Rice, told the Brains Trust that the book had to be adjusted for an international audience. “For example, the US readership will want to read all the bits about how many nuclear weapons the hero has, but not the fact that the US sold them to him in the first place. Our readership would find this confusing – they like moral certainties. Still the chapters about the French nuclear power stations are great.”
Publication is expected in early 2003 and a “gigantic launch party” is already being planned by the US distributors. “We’re going to get out to Iraq and have a blast,” promised Ms. Rice. “Those Iraqis will be so wasted they won’t be able to recognise their own house by the time we’ve finished”
Sex and Drugs and Growing Old 