Author’s note: I couldn’t understand, and still can’t why the US was so determined to annihilate Iraq but let Pakistan off the hook. This article got picked up by some Indian nationalist site and instantly became one of our most popular one. And I finally got my pesky Indian’s gag in there
The United States has issued an apology to Pakistan for the invasion of its sovereign territory by American forces, which the US has put down to “the kind of simple mistake anyone could make.”
The US State Department has explained that the mistake arose over the “ever so slight similarity” between Iraq and Pakistan. Apparently, an enthusiastic junior clerk became confused when his briefing documents identified the “Number One Enemy of Freedom” as an Eastern Muslim state which had invaded a neighbouring country several years ago, was run by a military dictator, harboured and trained Al Qaeda operatives and was in possession of illegal weapons of mass destruction.
“This is the kind of silly misunderstanding that could happen to anyone” explained a department spokesman. “The clerk just jumped to the conclusion that the country must be America’s firmest ally, Pakistan, rather than its deadliest foe, Iraq. Clearly, if he had stopped for a moment to consider the difference between this peace-loving defender of freedom and this war-mongering supporter of terrorism he would have sorted it out in the twinkling of an eye.” On being asked to explain what the precise differences were, the spokesman then remembered that he had left some bacon under the grill and had better rush to stop it burning and even if he hadn’t he was urgently needed elsewhere, immediately.
It is still unclear precisely how a junior clerk was then able to order the entire might of the US Armed Forces to invade Pakistan. However, it has been absolutely denied that the “junior clerk” was actually President Bush and that he was found locked in the Oval Office with his hands on the “nuclear launch joystick” steering the satellite guidance system towards Islamabad. The spokesman did concede however that confusing Baghdad and Islamabad or Pakistan and Palestine was the kind of mistake “any leader of the free world could make. Or junior clerk, obviously”
Further suspicions have been aroused, however, by the discovery of a list of “Criteria of Terrorist Countries” that Mr. Bush has personally drawn up to present to the United Nations. The list, which Mr. Bush has been using himself, would serve to act as an aide memoire for the Security Council to assist them in identifying “Rogue States.” The list identifies “likely terrorist regimes” as countries that are “a long way away and have mainly brown-skinned people who speak funny and have a lot of facial hair. But definitely not Israel.”
Mr. Bush has also expressed a personal apology to Pakistan and has promised to look more favourably on their request for help in “negotiating” with India. “I’m certainly grateful to the Pakistanis for identifying another country harbouring enemies of freedom. Until they pointed them out to me, I thought we’d got rid of those pesky Indians after Custer’s last stand.”
Sidebar – How to identify a rogue state – the George Bush Guide
Country name often ends in “an”
Local people tend to shout a lot
Cavalier use of firearms (NB don’t use this one in Texas)
Hot climate
Their God has a funny name. Alan?
Talk fast
Lack of baseball caps but high percentage of towelling headgear
Can’t hold their liquor
Churches are funny shape
Countries that look a bit terroristy but aren’t – Mexico, Ireland, Israel, Turkey, Saudi Arabia (must check this one)
Sex and Drugs and Growing Old 