As a side project to the Brains Trust we created an alternative to Wikipedia, which was just starting to gain traction, called Unreliable Facts. I loved it. They were short, clearly ludicrous random things. It got a reasonable amount of attention including a spot on the Steve Wright show and praise from Loaded magazine. Here are my ones.
Modems operate by converting the analogue signal from a telephone line into a digital signal that can be understood by a computer. This conversion is done by mice who are trained to squeak at high volumes into tiny microphones.
The Little Book of Calm has been named in fifteen cases of assault, 32 of divorce and one of murder. In Melbourne, Australia it was reportedly used as a weapon in a rare case of ‘book rage’ when two shoppers squabbled over the last copy in a bookshop.
Edward the First’s full name was actually William Edward, but he insisted on using his middle name so that “he could be the first”.
The UK register of Morris Dancers does not record a single person named Morris in their list of members.
“Who’s who?” was originally the title of an ornithological text on the recognition of the cries of owls at night.
AIDS in Africa is caused by a different HIV strain to that in the west. Expensive pharmaceuticals produced in the west are unlikely to be effective against it and local herbal remedies are more likely to enable a cure [Source Thabo Imbeki]
Yorkshire Puddings can only be sold under that name if they are produced in Yorkshire and accredited by the Yorkshire Appelation Pudding Control Board. The only widely available authentic Yorkshire Pudding brand is Ma Baker’s which is found in most supermarkets.
President Vladimir Putin is a distant relative of Rasputin and has already survived 4 attempted assassinations by poison. After hearing of this at a recent meeting, President Bush jokingly offered him some rat poison, which Mr. Putin ate, to the gasps of an astonished crowd. He showed no ill effects.
Cushions were originally developed as protective head-gear by the Marmoan tribes of Mongolia. They were first used in the modern way by Chinese invaders in the 1500’s after they sat on their captives’ heads as a sign of contempt and found them surprisingly comfortable.
The only European country to have scored nil points for the entire 40 year history of the Eurovision Song Contest is the Ukraine. This is because they insist on using the Julian calendar and always arrive three days late.
If every person across the world had no physical contact with any other person for 24 hours, the incidence of infectious disease would be reduced by 430%
Despite advice to the contrary, men do make passes at girls who wear glasses. Studies have confirmed that women who wear corrective vision spectacles have sex approximately 14% more often than women with perfect vision. Myopic women also have sex around 5% more often than those with long sight. Studies also confirmed that blondes have around 6% less fun than brunettes. Red-heads are the most doleful, having as much as 12% less fun, however.
Most arsonists blame their fixation on fire with not being allowed to play with matches as children. Psychiatrists believe that allowing children to play with matches satiates their curiosity about fire at an early age, preventing longer term damage. Studies have also confirmed that psychiatrists have more domestic fires than any other professional group.
Live cables can be easily identified in a wall by listening for a distinctive hum by using a stethoscope held against the wall.
Athlete’s foot is fatal to Eskimos, who have had no exposure to the fungus until recently. It can be contained by a foot transplant, but the lack of Eskimo foot donors has hampered this technique.
Ancient Greek tragedy was always played by actors wearing masks to avoid distracting the audience by facial expressions. Action such as fights also took place off stage, also to avoid distracting the audience. However, the leading actors of the time employed stunt doubles and ensured that realistic fights took place in the wings of the theatre to preserve their artistic integrity.
The mucus contained in human semen is only found palatable by the male that produced it. Other people find it inedible and it is toxic for over 70% of the female population and should not be swallowed.
The atomic number of the element Rutherfordium switches in a quantum manner between 135 and 136.5 if it is in the vicinity of Strontium or Arsenic. It is used in ionising smoke detectors but only in third world countries as it is highly toxic and minute quantities can cause leukaemia.
Russia has investigated replacing the hole in the ozone layer with a thin sheet of polythene but tests were stopped after two astronauts became entangled in the sheet and suffocated.
Paper napkins can be reused as very effective panty liners.
It is estimated that within two centuries the majority of affluent people will have coloured skins. The rise in the sun’s radiation on the Earth’s surface will significantly increase the incidence of skin cancer in pale skinned people. This will confer an evolutionary advantage to the dark skinned enabling them to achieve better jobs and higher wages.
The original title of Thomas Hardy’s novel Tess of the D’Ubervilles was Tess of the Baskervilles. It was changed after Arthur Conan Doyle challenged Hardy to a boxing match in which the victor could use the name ‘Baskerville’. Although Hardy won the pugilistic contest, he took pity on the struggling Conan Doyle and allowed him to use the name, stating that he’d “thought of a better one”
In “The Empire Strikes Back”, during the scene in which Han Solo is frozen in suspended animation, a small child can be seen briefly wandering onto the set at the right of the picture. The child was Harrison Ford’s son who was visiting his Father during the filming and had run on “to stop the nasty men hurting Daddy”.
The nursery rhyme “Old King Cole” originated during the time of Cromwell’s Republic and was a satirical text against the Puritans. ‘Old King Cole’ referred to the strait-laced Cromwell and the ‘fiddlers three’ were the three forms of God (Father, Son and Holy Ghost) to whom Cromwell repeatedly called for help.
Tap dancing was derived from the habits Dutch plumbers who would tie taps to their shoes as a safety measure. They often worked in cramped conditions with poor visibility and the clacking noise of the taps alerted other workers to their presence. In a hurry to get to a dance one night, a worker failed to remove the taps and so ‘Tap Dancing’ was born.
Belgium has produced more Shakespearean actors than any other mainland European country. Lawrence Olivier and John Gielgud both had Belgian parents who fled during the First World War.
During Stalin’s purges the prisoners in Siberian Gulags would alleviate their suffering by brewing alcohol from boot polish. Subsequently, a freed chemist used the formula to develop liquid shoe polish and sold the method to Reckitt’s Ltd in the UK.
The conveyancing process for house buying in the UK is derived from techniques originally developed by the Spanish Inquisition. The Inquisition devised a set of steps that would painstakingly go through every shred of evidence against a person and then use the toss of a coin to decide their guilt. This was refined by property lawyers to ensure that all aspects of a house’s fitness for sale were analysed. The decision on the fitness of the house is no longer decided by the toss of a coin, however.
The original transcript of the US Constitution had to be written on the back of George Washington’s shirt as Benjamin Franklin had forgotten to bring any paper. Later, disaster was narrowly averted when Washington’s wife was intercepted on her way to “give the filthy rag a wash”
Leonard Nimoy’s use of a wrist support in the film “Invasion of the Body Snatchers” was required as the result of mystery illness. The problem was later identified as the first recorded case of “Repetitive Strain Injury”. Nimoy declined to speculate how he had received the injury.
John Peel is the only person in the UK to have been the lead presenter on BBC programmes on Radio’s 1,2,3,4 & 5. Terry Wogan has led shows on Radio’s 2,3,4 & 5.
The song “Stand by your man” has been translated into more languages than any other. The Hindu performance in the Bollywood epic “Perturbed in Ishtar” won a ‘Gerald’, the Asian equivalent of an Oscar.
DVD players are the only consumer electronics products that are more prevalent in European households than North American ones. The flexibility of formats allows discs from anywhere in the world to be played on European machines. This has led to their adoption in Europe, where consumers have sought to capitalise on the good value and high availability of North American DVD’s.
The last recorded time that Big Ben broke down was caused by deaf chimpanzee that had escaped from Regents Park and was pursued there by its keepers. The creature would usually have been frightened off by the noise of the mechanism but it could not hear it and was crushed by the bell hammer. Its body became jammed in the cogs causing the clock to stop for approximately 7 minutes. The chimpanzee is now buried in Westminster Abbey
Gordon Setters are the world’s most gullible dogs.
Moore’s Law, which states that the power of computer processors will double every 18 months and the price will half, has been obeyed for every period except between 1981 and 1983. During this time the processor power increased by a factor of 1.893.
The Greeks have issued more libel cases than any other nation. A Greek woman once attempted to sue a beauty salon owner for having slanderous mirrors.
United Airlines has the largest allowance for hand luggage, although Air New Zealand has a special allowance for farmers, who are allowed to take up to 200 iron fence posts on board with them. The allowance was first introduced in the 1930’s when iron fence posts had to be imported and many were stolen from cargo. The allowance is now preserved for reasons of nostalgia.
William Pitt the Younger suffered from narcolepsy and would frequently fall asleep during his own speeches. On one occasion the entire House of Commons filed out of the chamber, leaving the Prime Minister to slumber.
The Government of Haiti has a social security programme for zombies. The Haitian Department of Social Security also offers a social rehabilitation programme for people who have become zombies and courses include limbo dancing, a popular tourist attraction.
The capital of Mozambique has undergone more name changes than any other city in the world. Since independence it has been known by 37 different names, including Mulawalo, Banghi-Banghi and Tipplehup. For a six-week period during 1987 it was known as ‘Trevor’ after the President had forgotten to take his reading glasses to the naming ceremony.
Buddhism is the only religion to have formally recognised ten pin bowling as a sacred act. It offers devotional training to its novices and the exiled Dali-Lahma has blessed an Indian team of Monks who are known as the Delhi Knockouts.
The London A to Z contains 15 inaccuracies which were introduced mistakenly in the first edition and have since become ‘lucky talismen’ for black cab drivers who use them regularly and have demanded their continued inclusion
SMS messages were invented by the British company Logica as a cheap alternative to mobile phone calls after a review of overheads identified the spiralling cost of mobile phone bills. The messages grew in popularity after they were commended as “a great leap forward for dyslexics” by dyslexia activist and actress Hayley Mills.
The Blackbird is the most widely distributed songbird in Western Europe. Its song can be heard in all western European countries, except for the island of Corsica where it nests but is completely silent.
Broken bones are considered a sign of bad luck in Bulgaria and relatives with broken limbs are often banned from the household. The only exceptions are the bones of the fingers, which are considered lucky when broken. This has given rise to the expression “Lucky Break”.
Jenny Agutter has had simulated sex more times in films than any other actress. Donald Sutherland has had simulated sex more times than any other actor, but this has usually been outside of his film career.
The Germans developed a device for rendering objects invisible during the Second World War. The secret was lost however after the scientist who developed it committed suicide and the machine itself became invisible after it was inadvertently switched on by a laboratory assistant and nobody could find it again.
Jewish weddings have a secret ceremony, which only the Rabbi is aware of. He carries out a whispered blessing when a small child interrupts the flow of the normal proceedings. In the unlikely event a small child does not interrupt, the Rabbi will mutter the words whilst pretending to blow his nose.
Gas masks are only effective after they have been exposed to smoke or other vapours. New gas masks should always be activated by wearing them and then breathing in the fumes from a bonfire or barbecue.
Although Batman protects Gotham City he was actually born in Tampa, Florida and ultimately plans to retire there. He expects to keep up his crime fighting activities during his retirement and considers this will be possible as “there are less super villains in Tampa”
Surfing is the most dangerous sport, according to the Institute of Insurers and Actuaries. Worldwide claims for injuries from surfing exceeded 220,000 with an estimated insurance pay out of $1.7 Billion. The majority of injuries occurred whilst removing the surfboard from the car. The next most dangerous sport was knitting, but this was due to a single year anomaly after an $800M pay-out to the families of the victims a coach accident. The accident was caused when a knitting needle rolled under the brake pedal and became lodged, preventing the driver from braking and stopping the vehicle.
The Spanish driving test is considered the easiest in the world. Applicants for a driving licence are required to be able to spell their own name and identify a car, lorry and mule from a set of six photographs. The most common reason for failure is confusion between the pictures of a mule and a donkey.
Women with D-cup bra sizes and above are more likely to have car accidents than women with smaller breasts. Several exhaustive studies have failed to identify a reason for this and applications for research grants in this field at the University of Newcastle are higher than for any other area.
Successful suicides using gas have dropped by 80% since the introduction of self-lighting gas ovens. Associated, 3rd degree burns to the scalp have grown by a similar amount, however.
King’s Cross station was named after King Edward VII missed his train when he arrived fifteen minutes late for it. The Guard who had to deal with the irate monarch commented that “the King’s Cross” and the name was born.
Possession is only 7/10ths of the law. The other 3/10ths are made up of libel, assault and civil liberties. Murder falls outside the law and has its own unique placeholder.
Association between on-screen violence and violent acts has only been found in the populations of Korea and Ireland.
Sex and Drugs and Growing Old 