Author’s note: I endured lunch with two friends who were on the Atkins diet and kept spouting a load of pseudo scientific twaddle about how it worked. So I wrote this article as a response. And then, in a bizarre twist a colleague of one of them sent the same article, and he then sent it to me with an outraged “Did you write this?” I’m not sure whether he was more angry that I was taking the mickey out of him or that the Brains Trust actually had real devoted followers, that he knew.
A new diet which is reported to bring dramatic results has been slammed by dieticians and nutritionists as “deeply damaging” and likely to cause “serious long-term harm to our profession”
The diet, which has been enthusiastically embraced by a small group of people, dismissed as “freaks and faddists” by the nutrition industry, is known as the “Eat less and do some exercise, you fat cunt” diet. It does not have the endorsement of any major nutritionist and it comes with no supporting books, videos or sponsorship deals from multi-national food groups. Speaking on behalf of the nutrition industry Dr Chris Jones expressed grave concern about the dangers of the new cult diet. “People are literally sitting at home and cutting back a little bit on the amount they eat without any consultation of our members’ books and without joining any form of support group. Even worse, many are carrying out light exercise, such as walking the dog or going for a short jog, without joining a gym or investing huge amounts in branded sportswear and expensive trainers. If this were to continue, thousands of workers at healthfood shops, gyms and organic farms could be put completely out of business.”
Dr. Jones went on to explain that most modern diet programmes are the results of many hours of research into randomly selecting ingredients, combining them with wholly unrelated metabolic phenomena and then sprinkling in a generous selection of impressive sounding scientific words such as glycolosis and phenotype. The nutritionist then relies on psycho-somatic phenomena for a small short-term loss in weight, before the dieter gives up and selects a new programme. “It’s one lovely virtuous cash-rich cycle,” enthused Dr. Jones.
The diet has taken off in the teeth of a number of other diets that are sweeping the globe. The new “pubic hair” diet is proving particularly popular, combining “extreme waxing” with a diet of oriental leaves and the practise of tantric chi to achieve a balance of life forces as well as sustainable weight loss. “The acolyte is encouraged to grow all of their bodily hair for at least six months, to remove toxins from the body, and then shave it all off,” explained Dr. Jones. “This achieves an immediate weight-loss, sometimes of several pounds in heavily bearded men or women such as Anne Widdecombe.” Other programmes such as the “Atkins Max Lard” diet and the “Shape Up and Sit” chairobics regime are also achieving a rapid take up.
The diet has also been slammed by Government officials as “wanton.” Their concerns were expressed by Health Secretary @@@ who was worried that it could undermine the governments healthy eating programmes
Sex and Drugs and Growing Old 