Author’s note: Tony Blair continued as Prime Minister and it seemed he may go on forever
Sources close to the Government confirmed today that plans had been put in place to ensure that Tony Blair. The Prime Minister, could lead the Labour Party and the country “for ever and bloody ever, amen”
The plans follow on from growing rumours that the Prime Minister did not intend to step down until he had “absolutely trounced” Margaret Thatcher’s term of office. Initial plans to lead the country through a third Labour administration were apparently dismissed as “too timid” by Mr. Blair as he declared his desire to “go on and on. And on and on and on. And on”
Rejuvenating drugs have already been purchased in massive quantities and Mr. Blair’s fitness regime has been boosted to ensure he will be in the prime of juvenile health in time for the next election. As he jogged furiously on the spot, Mr. Blair declared that he had “the body of 20 year old,” although his advisors were quick to point out that rumours of several organ transplants from immigrant teenagers were “pure speculation.”
It is felt that Mr. Blair has plans to go even further and has ordered the immediate investigation of his cryogenic preservation to ensure that he will be able to continue to lead the country into a “4th, 5th, 6th and beyond” term of Government. Sketches removed from Number 10’s waste paper bins reveal a set of drawings showing Mr. Blair entombed in large freezer with electrodes protruding from his head being surrounded by an adoring electorate bearing placards emblazoned “All Hail Tony’s 100th year in office.”
Mr. Blair is also believed to be urgently investigating potential options for time travel. Department of Transport spokesman Derek Gadd denied that the production of a full scale prototype Tardis was in anyway related to the Prime Minister’s stated wish to go back in time and restart his term of office. Claims that the Prime Minister believed he “could sort out the Health Service by implementing a comprehensive metrics based infrastructure” in 1945 have also been denied. Mr Gadd did however concede that Mr Blair had mentioned that he “could show that King Solomon a thing or two. And as for Churchill. Pah! I’ll show him how a war leader should act.”
It is not yet known how Gordon Brown, the Prime Minister’s likely successor, feels about the developments. However, his recent decision to award the Ministry of Defence a grant of several billion pounds to develop a “cybernetic army” that could be used to defeat an “evil power crazed genetically enhanced super-leader – just in case one ever appears” has raised some concerns.
The Prime Minister’s official spokesman has dismissed rumours that Mr. Blair is also seeking out routes to immortality as “ridiculous” and explained that the Downing Street reception for “300 16-year-old virgins” was simply a celebration of youth culture and the goats head and ceremonial dagger the Prime Minister was wearing were merely “bling accessories lent to him by his good friend David Beckham.”
Sex and Drugs and Growing Old 